Only 20 percent of communication is vocal. Fact is, you're actually giving off a lot of information without uttering a word. That said, the "smile" is a facial expression formed by raising the Zygomatic Major Muscle near the ends of the mouth and (only if you really mean it) the Orbicularis Oculi Muscle. However simple this action might appear anatomically, it has the widest implications and can hide meanings and/or motives so deep that Aishwarya Rai could take a bath in it (for my slower readers, I refer here to her current, larger avatar and not the slim and sexy one we....remember). Herein lies the beauty of this simple yet powerful device.
If one is observant one realizes that there is actually a wide variety of smiles. I on the other hand am not only observant but also happen to be craving for something to keep my mind from rotting and therefore I have, after much reflection (I did honestly spend a substantial amount of time in front of the mirror, just smiling), broadly classified them as follows:
1) "The When You're Happy and You Know It": This happens to be the purest form of smiling out there. When you smile in this fashion, you are screaming "I'm gay!" to the world around you (gay = fancy for happy...shoot me). It needs no explanation, no foot-note and has no sinister motive.
Example: The smile you find on the face of a guy who just had sex.
2) "The I Peed In The Pool": This type of smiling is usually employed to hide an action you have just performed which may be construed as inappropriate and hence cause you shame and embarrassment.
Example: The smile on the guy who went unnoticed, letting one rip in public.
3) "The Excellent..." : "The Excellent" is normally employed when you have successfully devised an evil scheme but have not yet executed it. It is sometimes accompanied by the mouthing of the word "excellent" in a low tone, hence the name.
Example: The smile on the ice-cream guy before you make your order.
4) "The Evil": Generally follows "The Excellent" and can also be followed by an "Evil LOL". But I warn you, if wrongly executed this variety may lead to an expression known in some circles are "The Constipated", follow that up with an "Evil LOL" and you get "The Cum-Face".
Example: The smile on the ice-cream guy as he gets your ice-cream.
5) "The Pedo": This expression, although rarely used is one that is a warning of immediate danger (to you that is). If you notice anyone smiling in this manner, call the police at the earliest...or just grow up really really fast.
Example: The smile on the ice-cream guy as he holds your hand for just a few seconds longer than he should whilst passing the change.
6) "The Shy Is Coming": Usually observed on men and (occasionally) women in the presence of someone they are attracted to. The blood vessels in the cheeks of some specimens dilate while smiling in this manner-commonly known as "blushing" or "The Teenagegirlwhojustsawjustinbieberonmtv Syndrome".
Example: The smile on your face when a pretty girl asks you for directions (pray it isn't to the restroom).
7) "The Iffy": The smile that automatically gets plastered on your face as when you are in a state of uncertainty. It is can be followed by either "The When You're Happy and You Know It" or by "The I Peed In The Pool" depending on the aftermath of the event about which you were uncertain just a moment ago.
Example: The smile on the insecure girl, staring at her reflection in a restroom filled with people, directions to which she got from you (refer point 6).
8) "The I Hate You Like I Love You": This is one reserved for the more opaque. It is employed to hide one's feeling of dislike towards another person (say, "two") by faking a "The When You're Happy and You Know It" in order to appear nice so as not hurt "two's" sentiments or conventionally, in order to fulfill a hidden agenda (yes, "one" can be a real &*!@#$% sometimes).
That brings me to the end of my thesis. I sincerely hope this has been an interesting read and not an utter waste of your time (like typing all this crap down was for me). I leave you for now, with but one last thought:
Smiles, dear people, are like jewels-hard to come by and you can't say the difference between genuine and fake. Unless of course, you know what to look for.
Keep Smiling
P.S. To those of you who tried out the example stated in point 4, I salute you!
If one is observant one realizes that there is actually a wide variety of smiles. I on the other hand am not only observant but also happen to be craving for something to keep my mind from rotting and therefore I have, after much reflection (I did honestly spend a substantial amount of time in front of the mirror, just smiling), broadly classified them as follows:
1) "The When You're Happy and You Know It": This happens to be the purest form of smiling out there. When you smile in this fashion, you are screaming "I'm gay!" to the world around you (gay = fancy for happy...shoot me). It needs no explanation, no foot-note and has no sinister motive.
Example: The smile you find on the face of a guy who just had sex.
2) "The I Peed In The Pool": This type of smiling is usually employed to hide an action you have just performed which may be construed as inappropriate and hence cause you shame and embarrassment.
Example: The smile on the guy who went unnoticed, letting one rip in public.
3) "The Excellent..." : "The Excellent" is normally employed when you have successfully devised an evil scheme but have not yet executed it. It is sometimes accompanied by the mouthing of the word "excellent" in a low tone, hence the name.
Example: The smile on the ice-cream guy before you make your order.
4) "The Evil": Generally follows "The Excellent" and can also be followed by an "Evil LOL". But I warn you, if wrongly executed this variety may lead to an expression known in some circles are "The Constipated", follow that up with an "Evil LOL" and you get "The Cum-Face".
Example: The smile on the ice-cream guy as he gets your ice-cream.
5) "The Pedo": This expression, although rarely used is one that is a warning of immediate danger (to you that is). If you notice anyone smiling in this manner, call the police at the earliest...or just grow up really really fast.
Example: The smile on the ice-cream guy as he holds your hand for just a few seconds longer than he should whilst passing the change.
6) "The Shy Is Coming": Usually observed on men and (occasionally) women in the presence of someone they are attracted to. The blood vessels in the cheeks of some specimens dilate while smiling in this manner-commonly known as "blushing" or "The Teenagegirlwhojustsawjustinbieberonmtv Syndrome".
Example: The smile on your face when a pretty girl asks you for directions (pray it isn't to the restroom).
7) "The Iffy": The smile that automatically gets plastered on your face as when you are in a state of uncertainty. It is can be followed by either "The When You're Happy and You Know It" or by "The I Peed In The Pool" depending on the aftermath of the event about which you were uncertain just a moment ago.
Example: The smile on the insecure girl, staring at her reflection in a restroom filled with people, directions to which she got from you (refer point 6).
8) "The I Hate You Like I Love You": This is one reserved for the more opaque. It is employed to hide one's feeling of dislike towards another person (say, "two") by faking a "The When You're Happy and You Know It" in order to appear nice so as not hurt "two's" sentiments or conventionally, in order to fulfill a hidden agenda (yes, "one" can be a real &*!@#$% sometimes).
That brings me to the end of my thesis. I sincerely hope this has been an interesting read and not an utter waste of your time (like typing all this crap down was for me). I leave you for now, with but one last thought:
Smiles, dear people, are like jewels-hard to come by and you can't say the difference between genuine and fake. Unless of course, you know what to look for.
Keep Smiling
P.S. To those of you who tried out the example stated in point 4, I salute you!
It's great! Funny. (Hopefully t'was intended to be) Sadly, I read all of it in your er...accent (in my head) Cheerio!
ReplyDelete^ Haha, even I read it the same way!
ReplyDeleteSomehow Nair's accent comes through in his writing...
ReplyDeleteI think I talk too much...
ReplyDeleteThat accent !
ReplyDelete